Sometimes I find that its time to write and I have nothing to say. At least, that’s how it feels. When this happens, I just sit staring at the screen and propose titles like the one above. I figure, when I don’t know what to write, then the best thing to do is sit down and write about not being able to write. Then, all of the sudden, I’m writing. It’s an abrupt transition.
For me, when I don’t know what to write, then that typically means that I’ve been numbing myself against pain or avoiding pain. Earnest Hemingway said, “There is nothing to writing. All you have to do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” I think he’s probably spot on. Of course, there are people who write really informational pieces and maybe its not so hard on them.
\\ I am not one of those people. //
Recently, we had a tough financial decision to make that really wasn’t a decision at all. You know, when you know what you are supposed to do, but you have no interest or even intention of actually doing it. Things like ending your latte addiction or filling up your tank before it reads empty – these things that we know we should do, they suck.
So I ignored the issue; I happen to be a professional at avoidance. Eventually, the decision was made for me. Naturally, I was irate that no one consulted me! This didn’t last long, as the anger turned inward. Not only had I made this problem, I had then avoided its solution. The result arrived with compounded interest.
I wish I could say that there is a profound lesson in all of this, but the truth is that the lesson is very simple. It’s one I learn over and over again. I keep forgetting it, because I was only ever cramming for the final exam.
To be inspired, to write things that matter, that I love and are lessons I need…I have to be feeling. I don’t feel anything now, expect a niggling movement in my heart that says, “Go deeper. Try.”
And right now, I just can’t. Maybe tomorrow. At least I tried today.