I don’t know what to say. Drudgery and monotony have me laid flat. It’s open space for sadness to play. Perhaps that is really how I am today.
Sometimes life feels really meaningless. I think Thursday is a day that I often feel this way. Most of the week has passed and I usually find myself asking, “What did I do this week that even mattered?”
It’s easy to feel that I don’t matter when my week, my actions don’t seem to amount to much.
I suppose my small actions do matter and that I matter. My brain says that those are probably true things.
I just can’t help feeling empty, dissatisfied. I wonder what I could even do to feel complete.
Perhaps nothing is the answer. Doing doesn’t complete a person.
But what does complete a person? Why do people matter?
Today feels like entropy – a gradual decline into disorder.
I don’t really feel okay with this state. I want to reject it, imagine it’s not there. But the void is there.
AshI must learn its shape.