Doing Doesn’t Complete Me

I don’t know what to say. Drudgery and monotony have me laid flat. It’s open space for sadness to play. Perhaps that is really how I am today.

Sometimes life feels really meaningless. I think Thursday is a day that I often feel this way. Most of the week has passed and I usually find myself asking, “What did I do this week that even mattered?”

It’s easy to feel that I don’t matter when my week, my actions don’t seem to amount to much.

I suppose my small actions do matter and that I matter. My brain says that those are probably true things.

I just can’t help feeling empty, dissatisfied. I wonder what I could even do to feel complete.

Perhaps nothing is the answer. Doing doesn’t complete a person.

But what does complete a person? Why do people matter?

Today feels like entropy – a gradual decline into disorder.

I don’t really feel okay with this state. I want to reject it, imagine it’s not there. But the void is there.

Candidly,

AshI must learn its shape.

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