About

I’m not normal. I never have been. I teach my children a simple song that I made up.

We’re all weirdos. We’re different. We’re different.

I want them to know that different is good. Weird is enlightened.

I hid my weird for a very long time. I beat her down, suppressed and oppressed her. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy, why I couldn’t pull it together. My brain harassed me, doing harm in places not visible to light. The messages I sent myself were an endless deluge of bullying, torture and even murder.

Murder, because I wanted to kill myself.

And then, a very wise man came into my life. He was almost 70 years old. He was tall, gray and slightly weary looking. I didn’t think he could help me. I didn’t want him to help me.

He said something interesting to me. He told me a story. It was a great mystery and I leaned in close, rapt with awe and attention. I became fixated on this mystery, desperate for clues and evidence. Together, we solved the mystery, only to discover another and another. Until one day, I stumbled upon the most beautiful mystery of all.

The mystery of myself.

Socrates told his students, “Know thyself.” Aristotle   said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” But I think Anais Nin was the smartest…

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.”

This blog is about all of the ways I have come to know myself and care for myself. It is about all the mysteries I have found and still find within me. This blog is not a dark place for hiding, but a bright open field for being. It is honest, raw and unfettered.

Candidly, it’s about me.

Ash